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O'ahu born and Rockville bred, both Maryland and Hawai'i are home. Middle-aged knitter (believe me, my 40 is NOT the new 20) seeking the courage to live consciously, each and every moment. Now if I could just remember where I put my keys...

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Chptr 30: Does My Butt Make My Knitting Look Fat? (and other anxieties)

Just a picture to remind myself that while I have my boy(and Meredith) (and my amazing family & friends) (and yarn) (and stitchmarkers), all is actually gonna be right my little world and I need to stop pouting and KNIT THROUGH IT.


This is the only place I like them (while writing and kvetching, basically). I fight against them at work and at home. Bad experience with an ex who lived by them, and got a little worked up when things didn't get accomplished.

I know, management by ADD does not really equal management at all, so I SHOULD look to lists - I SHOULD! And I try. I try to make them fun.  I buy iPad programs that have them (iThings - let's not go there on a review of THAT application), I create spreadsheets of them (interesting for about 12 minutes and 32 seconds), I want to create perfect lists and then execute them brilliantly, and I never do, and so don't you agree that avoiding them is actually the route to True Bliss? (Just nod.)

List of This Morning's Anxieties:
  1.  I am knitting on something that does not like me.  I know this because it is a fairly simple pattern (Alhambra Scarf), and I'm using my favorite yarn (one of, at least) Colinette Tao, I love the designer (Anne Hanson, here's her blog), and there are a billion beautiful finished ones on Ravelry and everyone else is rating this as fairly easy.  I, however, am having issues.  I am EVEN USING LIFELINES - I've completed two full-size lace shawls WITHOUT LIFELINES and now this simple little scarf is kicking my ass and so I'm only knitting the damn thing 1.75 times to get a finished object with the lifelines, whereas I'd probably have to knit it like 7 times without them.  (what are lifelines you ask?  they are sanity, I tell you, sheer brilliant sanity.  here's a clip.)  It is also a gift, and I have kinda got a deadline on it, and I've started 3 other projects for this person and ended up co-opting all of them for non-gifting-to-her purposes, so I have this karmic knitting debt I'm working through.  And karma is indeed being a BeeeeeYotch in this instance.
  2. I have a doctor's appointment because a recent blood test pointed positively to me having rheumatoid arthritis, and so off I am going to an arthritis specialist this afternoon.  I have been feeling pain lately (lately being the last 15 years since whacked by a car when on a bike with subsequent icky major injuries), especially in my hips, and this is pissing me the eff off because, while personally I LOVE anything that keeps me home with books, dogs, knitting, and is an excuse to stay in PJs all day, I also have a little bit of a "just deal with it, I don't want to hear about it" attitude towards folks who feel chronic pain.  Now, don't get all righteous on me, please.  Be kind.  I have felt pain in my life and sucked it up.  But now it appears it is leading to something that threatens my knitting.  So off I go to deal with this.  All the while, as with item 1, contemplating the karma thing.
  3. Car issues.  Can't talk about it.  Let's just say it involves a "check engine" light and I got no money right now to deal with check engine lights (but I do see a yarn sale... ack.  I will be good).
  4. Work.  It's work.  We all have work.  But work is starting to feel like my knitting: too many projects, not enough time.
  5. Appetite and Butt Size.  Anxiety leads to me wanting to eat everything, especially if sweet, and this leads to fluffiness in the hip-ass-stomach area, and my wardrobe options constricting.  You know what?  It has occurred to me that women must like buying cars because when you choose your car, you choose what other folks see of you from behind.  It's like being able to choose your ass, and then your ass stays that way.  Unlike with life when your ass shape basically picks you.  Wardrobe-wise, today I had to go to my handy Chico's travellers pants and a long jacket because I could not face Spanx.  It sucks when you are getting too big for your Spanx, which I am. Cuz I'm anxious about items 1 through 4.
So.  More than you probably wanted to know.  Do I feel better for being all TMI on a knitting blog?  Not sure.  I don't like the docs, I never remember everything I want to tell them or ask them and don't bring everything they want me to, and can't find the office, and it's raining and I haven't been to this office before so phoooooey.  Bleh.

We'll see how it goes.  I do have another couple yarns cued up for the Great Colinette Felting Swatch Experiment:  Mohair and Zanziba.



  1. Your dog is adorable.

    My problem with patterns like a scarf are that I tend to get extremely bored of the same pattern after the first few repeats. Good luck in getting it finished in time.

  2. Thank you for using my lifeline video as a part of your blog post and listing my blog on your blog.

    I finally had an opportunity to sit and read through your blog. I love it! I look forward to reading more posts.

    Good luck with dealing your medical issues. I understand what you are going through. My mother has disconnective tissue disorder and my sister has Lupus.